"Are you making Alliyah?".....

Life happens when your busy making other plans ~John Lennon~

A crossroad has been reached after more then a half of year of life in Israel. I beleive I have gone through every emotion I could have gone through being here. From absolute happiness to wishing I was on a plane to go home last week. During October I recall thinking I had fallen in Love with Israel and I as i faced the many challenges of living here I think that feeling has grown stronger. There were times i wished i could just go home for 5 minutes and see all my friends and for daily life to be simple again. But with anything or anyone you love, there is obstacles that you face. You become angry with them, they make you sad and confused but at the end of the day you still love them and feel connected. Thats how I feel about Israel.


Now is a point in the year where I have to make decisons. Do I go along with my orginal plan I had when i signed up to come here or do I make a bold and maybe unwise move and change everything. This is where the crossroad comes in, what kind of decision do i make. My brother once told me about this concept that humankind is the only species on earth that has the ability to think about the future. There is a part of the brain that has the ability to daydream about the future and think about will happen. With this though, sometimes the things that you think you want in the future are really the things you want right now in the present. In the future I would like to travel the world, but the reality is I wish I was traveling the world right now.

And as John Lennon once said, "Life happens while your busy making other plans." Now I have reached this crossroad and need to make a choice. There is nothing I can do about going home in July because my cousin is getting married but I don't really want to go. As thoughts of next year consume me, I have realized I need to remember that quote. While I sit here making my future plans, life goes by and you forget to look at the mountains as you drive by them. Or you speed walk through a crowd of people with out noticing their faces. Think about how much your actually missing when your constantly thinking about the future. It is ok to think about tomorrow, but it is also important to take in whats happening today. To take advantage of the good things in front of you.

I have a long time until I have to go home but time flies. It seems like yesterday that I moved out of Be'er Sheva but it was 3 month ago. It seems like a week ago that I moved to Israel but it has already been 6 months! I wish in some ways I could have both of each worlds. That I could go back to the United States but then come back here to try living here. OTZMA is great but I do not think its real life at all. My life style here is just not normal. I go to work every day but it is very different then working at home. I don't have a car, I don't pay bills and actually I do not get paid. Would I still love Israel as much if I was just a regular person and no longer the "מתנדבת" (volunteer). Life is just not a program.

With that... 6 new things that have become a part of my life since I left the United States
1. I light shabbos candles now with my roommates
2. I celebrate holidays that I never have celebrated before in the States
3. I found a love for art and drawing and it has become a important part of my life
4. I have become really good at boggle and catch phrase
5. I know longer speak just english...but i'd call in Heblish. Why? Because I find that when I'm speaking english I somehow subconciously add in hebrew words. like, כן, לא, מה נשמה?, אני לא יודעת, נכון...etc
6.

Yalla...

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
And If I am only for myself, what am I?
And if not now, when?" -Pirket Avot

ONE
They all seem to think that they are obeying the call of duty

Don't they k now that the only duties to be called up are
Ghandhi's doctrine
John Lennon's "imaginge"
Bob Marley's, "Redemption"

Haven't they figured out that we are all One
and the same like
The Trinity
The Star of David
The pilgrimage to Mecca

Don't they know that there is only One who cradles us,
but communicates to us in different scriptures.

Why don't they know?

---- taken from... Yalla----

What I have Mono???!!!

Actually I don't have mono, but when you can't communicate with your doctor these are the conclusions that come of it.

I am beginning to realize what kind of barriars and struggles are created from people not knowing the same language universally. Going to the Docter should be a simple task right? It should not be so hard to understand your docters diagnosis but now what if that diagnosis is in a different language and your unable to understand completely what they say? Now this is a problem, and a problem that i experienced the other day.

I started being sick on Monday, and tuesday i diagnosised myself as better to be mistakenly wrong when around 4 or 5 pm my temprature shot up to 102.5 degrees Farenheight. In israel I have to cal my insurance company before I can go to the docter, which i did. There were no docters in Afula that i could go to so I decided to have a docter ordered to come to my home in the student dorms. One of the werider things i've experienced here. In the States I have never heard of ordering a docter to your home.

So here is the other problem...You have (or i had) a 102.5 fever but your docter only knows celcious and is unable to understand the significance of your fever. Not only that I didnt' know how to convert to celcious. So thats the first big barrair. I come from a country that wants to be special by being the only country that uses Farenheight.

Lastly, The docter comes in and I ask if she speaks english (in hebrew) and she says (in hebrew) I speak only russian and hebrew. Well obviously I dont speak russian, and although i can speak hebrew, i do not do well in high stress situations or when i'm not feeling good. She starts checking me, can't figrue out what 102.5 *F means and then procedes to diagnosis and treat me in only hebrew. Being flustered I have no idea what she is telling me. I mean this is a huge problem. I'm sick and the docter sent to me is telling me there is something wrong and I can't understand her because we speak different languages. Finally i get hillary to translate to me and in confusion I think the docter is telling me i have mono!! So then i get upset because i'm thinking how can the docter know this , she barely checked me. But then hillary says the docter says i have a throat disease. At this point i'm very upset, because she uses the word disease and thats a scary word. In the end it turns out i have a throat virus but how can you trust the diagnois from a person you can only understan through the translation of your roomate?? Very frustrating.

I have never been so frusrated to not be fluent in hebrew. But in a time of need all you wish for is that people just spoke your language. I guess thats what i get for deciding to move to a country where i'm not fluent in the language. Now i have something to laugh about later....

A world where bomb sheltors become the playground...

For the ones that do not know and still read this... I do not live in Be'er Sheva anymore. As of one month ago i live in a small town called Afula. Or as the Israelis call it, "The hole at the end of the ruler." it is like no other place I have ever lived before and from outside of where I live you can see mountains, or hills. Literally i live in the middle of no where, theres no night life here and not much to do at all. Today we discovered a small take out place that has sushi. My four roomates are Hillary from conneticut, Erica from Flordia and Jessica who is also from Michigan. We live in student dorms for the college Emeq israel and we live with 200 students. We haven't met everyone but we have made some friends.

I volunteer in 4 different places. Twice a week i work in a community center, twice a week i work with a program called ATIDIM and i am going to teach debate to high school students to help them with there english. Two mornings a week i go to another city called Mgdal Hemit and I volunteer in a high school with Jessica. We work in the english center and we also are teaching different lessons to students. Then once a week i go with jessica to Nazrait Illit and we work in a elementary school. I find it pretty rewarding and i like it better then when i was in be'er sheva but sometimes i still think i should be doing more.

Right now all otzma particpants are in the cities they should be in , accept asqkelon just moved to their city yesterday. I found out they were worken up this morning at 7 am by a siren and had to run for cover. If i heard right the rocket hit so close they could feel the imact from when it hit the ground. Kind of scary and i'm wondering what will happen with them. I think they are taking a chance by being there because its hard to tell what is going to happen and exspecially after the israeli elections on tuesday if anything is going to happen.

Speaking of elections...I was in jerusalem this past weekend i saw the most ridiculous thing. Since the elections are on Tuesday there are posters all over the place with the canadiates pictures on them. Right now Tzipi livni is running for kadima so she has her picture all over the place, and even though its just a drawing somebody took paint and drew all over her face so you couldn't see it.


Yesterday I got back from a 5 day seminar called "Conflict and Hope." We spent the entire five days discussing the conflict in Israel, the occupation of the West Bank and the war in Gaza. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the last 5 days but they were very signficant to my OtZMA experience. I began to realize how much I don't know, and i dont know if i'd say it changed my perspective but i left feeling a little bit more pestimistic then i was before. So where the hope comes in , i'm not sure. But i learned a lot that made me lose a lot of faith in the world. I left feeling saddened that people could hate eachother so much. And I wish i knew what it is that i could to do to create change. I used to think all change was possible but I think this is a time that i dont feel confident saying that.

Since I do not know how describe it to you.. i'm going to leave you with quotes i wrote down from people and thoughts i wrote down throughout the weekend. In hopes you can get a small perspective to what was going on and how it was signficant.. I spent time in jerusalem but i spent shabbos in a small settlement in the west bank called Tackoa and then i spent sunday in Sderot.

Jan 29th Thursday
Topic: The Israeli Arab Conflict - Intro and Backround
on the subject of land for peace..
"Two withdrawls Gaza and from a security area in Lebanaon, has led to attacks back on israelis..."

Topic: The zionist attitude Towards Arabs Prior to 1948 in Israel

Topic: When fighers turn pacifist and their vision of Peace
Speaker: Combantants for peace
* Two speakers, one a past member of fatah who was caught trying to plan a car bomb and a past israeli soilder who was kicked out of his unit when he refused to serve in the west bank

Jan 30th Land vs Peace
Topic Land vs Peace? A perspective from the Left
Speaker: Peace Now
Peace now beleives that without negotiations on Jerusalem there will not be peace and is for a 2 state solution

Topic: Land vs. Peace: a perspective from the Right in the West Bank
Speaker: Eve harrow
"When it comes to religion all rationality goes out the door
"They Say : we hate israel because they took our land.."
Israel gives back land for peace and then nothing comes out of it
"Should people still be considered refuggees generations later? Why should refugee status be passed down. That means all jews kicked out of their country are refugees too"

Topic: Foreign Press Coverage of the conflict and life on the other side of the green line
"Foreign medias predisposed to the favor of the palistinians"
"When your sitting abroad watching foreign news your not seeing the human side"

Feb 1st- Sderot
* Why do we have to wait for kindergarden to be hit by a missile full of childeren, to get international support.."
"what does it mean to have 15 seconds to run for your life?"







Thoughts from Jan 30 - Feb 2nd
Given the backround of the conflict and the perspectives of different peace group and individuals...

The situation is more complex then I imagined. yesterday we saw that a palestinatn and israeli could be friends even though they differed on certain perspectives.
Why don't people realize that hate is bred on both sides, whether ones more extreme then the other is, its still hate. And with hate the situation doesn't cease to exhist.

Jan 30 -31st Day in the West bank/ shabbot in Tackoa
"Today I traveled in a bullut proof bus into the west bank..."
The only thing that made me realize I was somewhere out of the ordinary was that people were caring guns around with them. When i thought settlement, Tackoa was not what i had pictured in mind. Its a beautiful place, with nice homes and friendly people.
I don't think I know enough to give an objective opinon the conflict. I can't decide who is right or who is wrong. These people here don't seem violent or crazy, they just seem like normal people who want to live their life on land that israel captured during war. Isn't that how war works? But then i think about the occupation.. and as another speaker said "With land comes people.." So what about the other side, why should they be forced to live their life under occupation? maybe some want to live i peace too..

I find myself becoming more pestimistic and losing my faith in the world, the more exposed I am to the hate and to the stories of violent acts driven by hatred.
Today we heard a speaker who told his personal story about the death of his son. In 2001, 2 14 year old boys were stoned to death in a cave near Tackoa by palestinians. So brutal they were not recognizable. What kind of person can justify this?

Where is there an end? Will there be an end? How can they even meet in the middle? When hate is present can there be peace? What comes first, comprimise or learning to like eachother and get along?

...and you begin to lose hope when the side that is supposed to work together can't even agree with eachother...

Feb 1 - Sderot
...Its crazy to think that right now i am looking over from sderot to Gaza. Think i'm looking over to a place full of suffering but a place where people are planning attacks on the very land i'm standing on right now. All i can see are buildings ut I know these buildings represent greif, teror, suffering, hatred, conflict, saddness..."

------
"The moent you go back and you realize as jews wea re family and not just friends then you'll realize יהיה בסדר (it will be ok)."