A crossroad has been reached after more then a half of year of life in Israel. I beleive I have gone through every emotion I could have gone through being here. From absolute happiness to wishing I was on a plane to go home last week. During October I recall thinking I had fallen in Love with Israel and I as i faced the many challenges of living here I think that feeling has grown stronger. There were times i wished i could just go home for 5 minutes and see all my friends and for daily life to be simple again. But with anything or anyone you love, there is obstacles that you face. You become angry with them, they make you sad and confused but at the end of the day you still love them and feel connected. Thats how I feel about Israel.
Now is a point in the year where I have to make decisons. Do I go along with my orginal plan I had when i signed up to come here or do I make a bold and maybe unwise move and change everything. This is where the crossroad comes in, what kind of decision do i make. My brother once told me about this concept that humankind is the only species on earth that has the ability to think about the future. There is a part of the brain that has the ability to daydream about the future and think about will happen. With this though, sometimes the things that you think you want in the future are really the things you want right now in the present. In the future I would like to travel the world, but the reality is I wish I was traveling the world right now.
And as John Lennon once said, "Life happens while your busy making other plans." Now I have reached this crossroad and need to make a choice. There is nothing I can do about going home in July because my cousin is getting married but I don't really want to go. As thoughts of next year consume me, I have realized I need to remember that quote. While I sit here making my future plans, life goes by and you forget to look at the mountains as you drive by them. Or you speed walk through a crowd of people with out noticing their faces. Think about how much your actually missing when your constantly thinking about the future. It is ok to think about tomorrow, but it is also important to take in whats happening today. To take advantage of the good things in front of you.
I have a long time until I have to go home but time flies. It seems like yesterday that I moved out of Be'er Sheva but it was 3 month ago. It seems like a week ago that I moved to Israel but it has already been 6 months! I wish in some ways I could have both of each worlds. That I could go back to the United States but then come back here to try living here. OTZMA is great but I do not think its real life at all. My life style here is just not normal. I go to work every day but it is very different then working at home. I don't have a car, I don't pay bills and actually I do not get paid. Would I still love Israel as much if I was just a regular person and no longer the "מתנדבת" (volunteer). Life is just not a program.
With that... 6 new things that have become a part of my life since I left the United States
1. I light shabbos candles now with my roommates
2. I celebrate holidays that I never have celebrated before in the States
3. I found a love for art and drawing and it has become a important part of my life
4. I have become really good at boggle and catch phrase
5. I know longer speak just english...but i'd call in Heblish. Why? Because I find that when I'm speaking english I somehow subconciously add in hebrew words. like, כן, לא, מה נשמה?, אני לא יודעת, נכון...etc
6.
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